the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
