I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
