I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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