Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
