I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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