He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What a dumb baby whore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
