Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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