Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
