I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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