The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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