I can't breathe out the right side of my face
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
