When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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