Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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