dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
