if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We named our party play list daddy issues
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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