I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
