I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
