Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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