So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
