i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
3pm strippers are depressing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
