im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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