is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
