Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
