new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
