i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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