When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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