it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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