Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
