are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
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tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
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But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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