I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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