After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
