I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
