I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
