Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
