this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
