So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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