OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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