Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize