I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
