My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
