Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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