i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
