if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
