He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize