did you get engaged???
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
