Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
