I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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