she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
