Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize