i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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