Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
