allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
