If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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