Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Holy sore nipples Batman
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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