New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
