You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Too much gin, very little bucket
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
