hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
