Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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