No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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