My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
