Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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