My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
