If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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