Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
