Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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