yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
