Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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